Definition of Emotions
Before we can do anything about managing our emotions we need to understand exactly what they are.
Emotions are defined as:
"In psychology and common terminology, emotion is the language of a person's internal state of being, normally based in or tied to their internal (physical) and external (social) sensory feeling. Love, hate, courage, fear, joy, and sadness can all be described in both psychological and physiological terms: Emotion is the realm where thought and physiology are inextricably entwined, and where the 'self' is inseparable from our individual perceptions of value and judgement toward ourselves and toward others in our emotional space.
Emotion is also sometimes regarded as the antithesis of reason; as is suggested by phrases such as appeal to emotion or don't let your emotions take over. Again, there is no empirical support for any generalization of this kind: indeed, anger or fear can often be thought of as a systematic response to observed factsion is also sometimes regarded as the antithesis of reason; as is suggested by phrases such as appeal to emotion or don't let your emotions take over. Again, there is no empirical support for any generalization of this kind: indeed, anger or fear can often be thought of as a systematic response to observed facts."
Now that we have a working definition of emotions we can differentiate between some of these negative and positive emotions.
| Primary emotion | Secondary emotion | Tertiary emotions |
|---|---|---|
| Love | Affection | Adoration, affection, love, fondness, liking, attraction, caring, tenderness, compassion, sentimentality |
| Lust | Arousal, desire, lust, passion, infatuation | |
| Longing | Longing | |
| Joy | Cheerfulness | Amusement, bliss, cheerfulness, gaiety, glee, jolliness, joviality, joy, delight, enjoyment, gladness, happiness, jubilation, elation, satisfaction, ecstasy, euphoria |
| Zest | Enthusiasm, zeal, zest, excitement, thrill, exhilaration | |
| Contentment | Contentment, pleasure | |
| Pride | Pride, triumph | |
| Optimism | Eagerness, hope, optimism | |
| Enthrallment | Enthrallment, rapture | |
| Relief | Relief | |
| Surprise | Surprise | Amazement, surprise, astonishment |
| Anger | Irritation | Aggravation, irritation, agitation, annoyance, grouchiness, grumpiness |
| Exasperation | Exasperation, frustration | |
| Rage | Anger, rage, outrage, fury, wrath, hostility, ferocity, bitterness, hate, scorn, spite, vengefulness, dislike, resentment | |
| Disgust | Disgust, revulsion, contempt, loathing | |
| Envy | Envy, jealousy | |
| Torment | Torment | |
| Sadness | Suffering | Agony, suffering, hurt, anguish |
| Sadness | Depression, despair, hopelessness, gloom, glumness, sadness, unhappiness, grief, sorrow, woe, misery, melancholy | |
| Disappointment | Dismay, disappointment, displeasure | |
| Shame | Guilt, shame, regret, remorse | |
| Neglect | Alienation, isolation, neglect, loneliness, rejection, homesickness, defeat, dejection, insecurity, embarrassment, humiliation, insult | |
| Sympathy | Pity, sympathy | |
| Fear | Horror | Alarm, shock, fear, fright, horror, terror, panic, hysteria, mortification |
| Nervousness | Anxiety, nervousness, tenseness, uneasiness, apprehension, worry, distress, dread |
Personality Types
Emotions are not to be confused with your personality. So, lets define what having a personality is and the four basic personality types.
Personality is defined as:
" A dynamic and organized set of characteristics possessed by a person that uniquely influences his or her cognitions, motivations, and behaviors in various situations."
The four basic personlity types
Just as it is often said that some personality types are more emotional than others, women are thought to have a stronger tendency toward emotionalism than men. According to a teaching that goes far back into history, there are four basic personality types, each of which has an identifying name.
Sanguine
The Sanguine temperament personality is fairly extroverted. People of a sanguine temperament tend to enjoy social gatherings and making new friends. They tend to be creative and often day dream. However, some alone time is crucial for those of this temperament. Sanguine can also mean very sensitive, compassionate and thoughtful. Sanguine personalities generally struggle with following tasks all the way through, are chronically late, and tend to be forgetful and sometimes a little sarcastic. Often, when pursuing a new hobby, interest is lost quickly--when it ceases to be engaging or fun.
Choleric
A person who is choleric is a doer. They have a lot of ambition, energy, and passion, and try to instill it in others. They can dominate people of other temperaments, especially phlegmatic types. Many great charismatic military and political figures were cholerics.
Melancholic
A person who is a thoughtful ponderer has a melancholic disposition. Often very kind and considerate, melancholics can be highly creative – as in poetry and art- and can become occupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world. A melancholic is also often a perfectionist. They are often self-reliant and independent.
Phlegmatics
Phlegmatics tend to be self-content and kind. They can be very accepting and affectionate. They may be very receptive and shy and often prefer stability to uncertainty and change. They are very consistent, relaxed, rational, curious, and observant, making them good administrators and diplomats. Unlike the Sanguine personality, they may be more dependable.
So now we have a basic understanding of our personality types, lets take a brief look at how we can begin to control our emotions, instead of them controling us.
Mastering Our Emotions
Mastering the art of keeping our emotions under control can at first seem overwhelmingly dauhnting. Do not fear! Even if you've been an emotional wreck your whole entire life, you can change. I used to be the biggest emotionally controlled nightmare that walked the face of the Earth, yet slowly but surely that is changing. The biggest step towards emotional stability was realizing that I was miserable. Once I had realized that, I then had to make a decision to do something to change the situation.
Once I had made that decision, I had to learn to take full responsibility for my behaviour, good or bad. I had to learn that no body truly has the power to effect how you feel. The truth is you can't change how other people behave towards you, or treat you but how you REACT to their behaviour is entirely in your ball park. WOW!! What a revelation. Although that was a tough pill to swallow, it was also very encouraging. This meant that I could have total control over my own personal feelings and not have them,or people control them. This was news to me. I thought I was powerless over my feelings and what other people did that made me feel hurt/mad etc. To find out that I could have self control was an epiphanny, ahh moment of self empowerment. Hope had returned, that change was possible!
Once I realized I could be emotinally balanced, I had to begin to learn the mechanics of what exactly that required. It is actually very simple, in principle, quite something else to practice and master. Yet, when we put things in perspective and realize that we just didn't get the way we are overnight, it took your whole life time, then we can learn to be patient and kind to ourselves,in the midst of our metamorphasis.
Change can be scary, unfamiliar and quite often uncomfortable, until we get used to our new way of thinking and behaving. So, having said that here are the simple mechanics that have helped me learn to become more self controlledand can help you, with daily, consistant effort and application.
1. Recognize you are miserable and make a decision to end the misery
2. Understand that no-one and nothing truly has power over you, that can effect how you feel, other than what you allow
3. Take full personal responsibility for your behaviour and reactions to people & situations that come your way, NO BLAMING!!
4. Make a MAJOR DEFINATE MENTAL DECISION to choose to always react, think, speak and feel POSITIVE, despite other peoples behaviour & your circumstances
5. Always make a mental note to check how you're feeling and what you're thinking about everyday, throughout the day. If you're thoughts/feelings have been fearful, depressing, negative, angry , speak to yourself and say "(Your name) you are not feeling, behaving or thinking in a way that is making you happy, calm or stable. STOP, BREATH and start over. I am going to change this. I am going to think positively. I am not going to continue this way. I have control over myself and I CHOOSE to be happy,calm and peaceful. From this point forward I am getting a hold of myself and coosing to think straight, talk positive and feel peaceful. I can do this and I will, starting right now!"
6. Anytime you start to notice yourself going doing a crazy path again.. STOP...BREATH...CHECK YOURSELF...CHANGE YOUR COURSE...START AGAIN.
7. Learn to bite your tongue when you are angry, or upset.
8. Forgive yourself quickly and move on.
9. Forgive others quickly and move on.
10. If you mess up and hurt others, ask for forgiveness, apologise quickly and move on.
11. Read/listen to/watch and participate in as many postive things as possible. Knowledge is power and helps bring lasting change. Educate yourself as much as possible. Learn why you behave the way you do, what causes you to react/behave/think/speak negatively, learn what triggers bad feelings in you ie memories, words of rejection etc.
12. Choose your friends wisely.
13. Eat healthy, work out and get plenty of sleep.
Doing these things on a regular, consistant basis will indeed bring change. I have been doing these same things and can testify to the fact that they work and I am more emotinally stable than I have ever been. Not everyday was easy, somedays I messed up royally but everyday was a new start, a fresh opportunity to change. In the long run....no good thing comes easy...but it is WORTH IT!!
You too can change. I believe it and I am aliving testimony to it. Emotional stability and happiness is attainable no matter your age, sex, race or past. GO FOR IT!! You deserve happiness and freedom!
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